This morning I found out that sweet Kaia...a sweet little girl whose blog I have been following has died. She was born with HLHS and her mommy and daddy did not know about it until after she was born. I have been praying for her to be strong and recover from the surgeries and the news this morning devastated me. I think in a way that I was fast-forwarding my life to when Hope was born and I really wanted everything to turn out differently. I wanted and needed Kaia to go home and live a happy and healthy life. I can't seem to stop crying this morning and I know Jerry and Paul don't understand why I am so upset this morning.
Marilyn is coming to get Jerry and Paul this morning so I can do a presentation. My grandma is staying with mom for the week, so we are definitely taking time out of our schedule this week to see her for a while. We haven't been to see her since Christmas and I feel really bad that we haven't made the trip.
I think today is a day of reflection and my feelings have been so hard to hide lately. Hope has been moving more and more lately and I love to feel her. It shows me how strong she is and how hard I am hoping she will fight for her life. I just want to know that I am making the right decision...if she is a candidate for surgery. I don't want her to feel any pain if there is not a very good chance that the surgery will help and that she will be able to grow into a happy and healthy little girl. My biggest fears are that we will put her little body through surgery and she will pass away hooked up to machines, rather than in our arms.
I have more doctors appointments on Wednesday and thankfully Marilyn will be able to watch the boys again. I really can't imagine what I would do if Marilyn were not available to watch them. She has been such an enormous help with all of these appointments.