Updates

I don't really know where to start. Life has been going pretty good and even though I think about Hope every day...it is more with happy thoughts lately. She is moving around a lot in the afternoons and evenings and I am thinking she is a 2nd shift baby. At my last ultrasound she weighed 2 pounds 11 ounces and I am excited that she has gone from the 23rd percent for her age to over 50 percent. It gives me a lot of hope that she may be able to have the surgery...as long as she is at least 5 pounds.

My grandma was here from Michigan last week. She is 94 years old and still gets around pretty good, even with a walker. She and Marilyn came and spent most of the day with us on Monday and it was great having them over. We spent the day outside with the kids (after my conference call at work). The only sad part of the day was that she didn't know I was pregnant. I figured my mom would have told her but when I asked her about it she said she didn't want to tell her that I was pregnant and there was something wrong with Hope. I know my mom was trying to spare her feelings, but Hope is her great grand daughter and she has a right to know about her and to love her like her other great grandchildren.

On Wednesday I had my doctor's appointment. Other than the weight, the appointment was uneventful (which was actually pretty nice). I don't have to see either the doctor or the cardiologist again until the 5th of August and I am really excited that I get another doctor-free month! I know a lot of pregnant women love seeing the doctor and making sure everything is progressing as it should, but I feel her moving around every day and know that she is doing fine.

I created my Birth Plan and sent it over to the maternal fetal specialist that has been working with me through this pregnancy. I guess there are a few areas that we still need to discuss in the birth plan and she is planning to set up a meeting with my OB (Dr. Silber), the fetal cardiologist (Dr. Patel), the cardiothoracic surgeon (Dr. Smith), the perinatologist, a high-risk nurse, and a few people from the palliative care team. I think it is going to be a good conversation and I will be able to let them know how I feel about everything and make sure they understand mine and Jerry's wishes.

On Saturday I met with a group of women that have children with HLHS for lunch. It was great meeting women that have children with HLHS and find out their different experiences. Two of the girls are 15 years old and doing great. It was wonderful meeting them and it gave me hope and inspiration, but it was also kind of scary hearing about all of the problems they have experienced with their children. I know I am strong enough to handle the care that is required, but I don't know if Jerry is that strong. He has basically given up hope and does not really want to discuss surgery as an option. The thought of the surgeries scare me and the thought that she might die during the surgery rather than in my arms scares me even more. I know most pregnant women can't wait until they finally get to deliver their babies...I am not one of them. Hope is perfect and doing great while she is inside of me...it is when she is born that she will be sick.

I am going to vent a little on my journal too...only because my feelings were really hurt yesterday and I don't really know what to do about it. Robin (my sister-in-law) is pregnant with a little girl and is due about 2 months after Hope. My other sister-in-law (Danielle) who is Jerry's sister bought a couple of things for Robin's baby already. I know they have a closer relationship, but it still really hurt my feelings. Everyone knows that Hope is sick, but I was hoping everyone would be able to treat my pregnancy the same. I am being over-emotional about this, but it really did hurt my feelings.