This is pretty bad and I don't think we will get away from another visit downtown. I know Hope had the stomach bug...we all had it and spent at least 2 days throwing up. It just really upsets me that she went down in weight again this time. In a month, she has lost .25 kilograms. That is 8.82 ounces or 1/2 a pound...in a month. It may not sound like a lot, but it is a big weight loss for someone that only weighs 22 pounds...especially when that little person should weigh almost 30 pounds. It also depresses me because we try so hard to make sure she eats as much as possible...and then pray that she won't throw it up. I get so depressed when we have to go for weight checks and it seems that it just gets worse and not better. It feels like doing my best as a mom is not good enough for my daughter...can you even imagine how bad that makes me feel? I just don't know what to do anymore and that makes it so much harder. We do everything we are told to do...short of a g-tube, which is something I really don't want to do. I also don't want to feel forced into doing something like that either. I really want Hope to gain weight and be healthy and happy. I want that more than anything. I don't want her to have a heart defect or a kidney problem. I don't want her to get sick and throw up anymore. I am sliding downhill myself and I really need something to pick me up. I don't know what I need, but I know that I can't be depressed and worried about Hope's weight forever.
I am going to end this post because it is depressing. I am hoping my next post will be a super-happy post with a big weight gain.
Please join us on September 20, 2014 at Wade Oval or sponsor our team...Hope's Heart Warriors!
Can I count the times I've watched you smile and wondered what will be? Can I think of each and every trial we've endured patiently? So very many sleepless nights, the monitors watched with care, blood pressure low, heart rate too high, knees bent down in prayer. I know Lord you are near to me, this journey's in your hands, But sometimes Lord it is so hard to meet this life's demands. I trust you God, I really do but fear creeps deep inside, sometimes I just don't understand, no matter how I try. But Jesus you are with me, and hand in hand we'll cope, for I know that you will lead us, through this heart journey of hope.