Thursday, August 20, 2009

Appointment, Tours, and Everyone

Yesterday was my appointment and it went great. No ultrasound this time, just a quick OB appointment. I felt like a 'normal' pregnant woman for the first time in a long time. My weight is good, my blood pressure is good, Hope's heart rate was 140 bpm, and she is growing. I was done in 10 minutes!

After my appointment I met with Jane from labor and delivery and she gave me a tour of the whole labor and delivery department. She was wonderful and very sympathetic to everything we are going through. The tour went pretty is like all other hospitals I have delivered at. I just really liked how I was treated and know that it will help when Hope is born. Now, I just need to pray that she decides to stay with me until the 21st of September.

I also want to thank everyone else that has seen us through this pregnancy. This has been the hardest thing Jerry and I have ever and hopefully will ever go through in our lives. I know it has not been easy on either of our families and everyone has been really supportive. Jerry's mom called last night and told us that she has the christening gown ready for Hope and Danielle is making the shoes for the outfit. I am so grateful to everyone that has treated this pregnancy and Hope like all the other kids that have been born. I know it is hard for everyone, but I really feel like everyone has been so supportive and even though we don't always know what to say or how to act...our families have been great and have listened and provided all of us with the love and prayers that are greatly appreciated. I know we don't tell everyone enough how thankful we are for everything and I hope that one day we will be able to express how grateful we are to everyone.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Kicking, Dancing, and Poking

I had to share this today. We went to the fair yesterday and while riding in the car, the phone rings. It is really loud! All of a sudden, Hope kicks me really hard in the ribs. I guess she doesn't like really loud noises...or it woke her up. I'm not real sure, but it was funny and a little painful. On the way home from the fair we are listening to music. I am singing along (which I must say is pretty sad because I have a terrible singing voice). Alan Jackson and I were singing 'Goodtime' and Hope decides it's time to dance. I know it may seem hard to believe, but she was keeping beat pretty well and I can just picture her dancing around inside me. Today was my favorite though. Paul and I were cuddling on the couch. He was getting ready to take a nap. All of a sudden, Hope starts poking at him. She had been sleeping or just resting before then, but suddenly she must have known he was on my belly and decides to poke at him for a little while.

I love all of this movement. It makes me feel really good knowing that Hope is safe, happy, and healthy inside of me. I don't dwell on the bad stuff when she is doing cute things all the time. I just sit and smile and laugh...these are the times when I really love being pregnant!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Good News, Bad News, and So Many Appointments

Yesterday was rough, but it was also nice that Jerry was with me the whole day. We started out very early in the morning because we had to drop off the boys with Marilyn. Thankfully she always seems to be there to help out when I have all these appointments. I know there are a lot of people that would help, but she goes out of her way to come out here and pick them up for me so I don't have to get up an extra hour earlier and take them out to her.

My ultrasound went pretty good first thing in the morning. Hope was being pretty cooperative so they could get all the measurements. She is now almost 4 pounds, which is great news. She is also heads down and hopefully will stay that way. She wouldn't let the tech get a good look at her heart, but I think she knew we would be spending an hour with Dr. Patel and wanted to wait and let him see her heart.

After the ultrasound I met with Dr. Lavin...he is a partner in the Maternal Fetal Medicine group. There are 5 doctors in the group, so I don't know if I really have a regular OB. He was great and we talked about inducing. We are now scheduled for an induction on September 21st. As long as Hope does not come earlier, that will probably be her birthday. Now that I have a date, it makes it much harder to not spend time worrying about everything.

The appointment with Dr. Patel was long as usual. It is getting harder to see everything, but he said everything looked OK. Of course this is the good news, bad news. Hope is not deteriorating, which is what Dr. Patel has been fearing would happen throughout the pregnancy; however, the valves that she does have are forcing blood into her lungs and it is not able to get out (or something like that...he indicated some sort of septal defect, which I have not really looked up yet). I really don't understand much of what he is talking about, but I am going to get a copy of the echo report so that I can try and interpret it a little better on my own. He also told me that a little boy was born with HLHS last night. I was super hopeful when he told me that Dr. Smith will be doing the surgery later this week and the prognosis looked pretty good. Then of course I asked about Hope. Bad idea. He told me that the little boy was in much better shape than Hope. He has a mitral and atrial valve and his aorta is big enough to be used. That is the bad news...he confirmed what I kind of knew in my heart but have been avoiding. I am still holding out for my miracle, no matter what the echo tells me. Things could change and she is not getting worse, which means she is a fighter.

My last meeting of the day was after lunch. I can't remember everyone that was there, but there was someone there from every department that will help me through the pregnancy, labor and delivery, and my hospital stay. We basically went through the birth plan and talked about a lot of stuff that was on there and how they could help. The only area that is still hard to figure out is the echo after Hope is born. I really don't want her to leave my side at any time, so our final decision is to wait until I am able to go with her for the echo. Sadly, that means the echo will probably be delayed a couple of hours, but I would prefer that over her being away from me. The perinatologist was in the room and told me she had just finished meeting with Dr. Patel. They discussed Hope and she feels that this is the best decision as Hope may be born 'blue' because of the blood in her lungs. That was the hardest part of the meeting because I had been holding out so much for a miracle and I feel like the doctors don't have much hope left in them.

Yesterday was hard and I sit and wonder how much harder this is going to get the further along I get. I pray everyday and my aunt has given me some great book ideas about angels. I have been trying to meditate in the evenings for about an hour and bring positive energy into my head and my heart. I know that everything I do will help, even if it can't make her heart whole. I have not given up and know that God has a plan for our whole family.